Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (1992)  believes that love is the intuitive knowledge of our hearts. It’s an energy that we all remember. It is a return to loving ourselves. During an almost fatal accident, I personally encountered what I believe confirms Marianne’s statement. In my journal, I describe an exciting experience of love outside of the physical realm. Not felt with physical senses, but with a knowing. Starting with that near fatal day, in the twinkling of an eye, I had an experience that I kept a secret for most of my youth. It began when my big brother and I were just playing around outside and I tripped over a garden hose, landing on my stomach. The fall had internally ruptured my spleen. I remember trying to catch my breath, but to no avail. My brother took me into the house, and my mother instinctively knew something was terribly wrong. I laid down in my bed, and now I too knew that something was happening. As my breathing slowed, my world became silent. I could see everyone around me, but I couldn’t speak. My insides felt like a waterfall was moving through out my body. Quickly and without hesitation, this beautiful woman I called Mama picked me up in her loving arms, and I felt safe. Although I could hear her heart beating so fast, I could not gather the strength to hold her in my arms the same as she held me. The next few hours were a blur. I remember traffic driving towards us, horns blowing, and my mother’s loving words repeating to me that it’s alright baby, everything is alright my angel. My mother was running towards the hospital with me in her arms. I’m sure I was heavy, but I believe a mother’s love knows no bounds. Soon there were doctors, nurses, and machines all around me. They taped my arm to a board and put a needle in me. The solution was calming, and I started to feel some what conscious. Then my mother walked in where her baby laid. She had swollen eyes, and very little color in that now gaunt pale face. She reached for my hand and said that I have to go to go with these people, and that she would be waiting for me. I cried and told my mama that I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave my mama. As the tears fell from her cheeks, I knew I didn’t have the strength to stop the doctors from taking me somewhere I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to be anywhere other than in my mother’s arms. Didn’t they know that her soft caress and gentle voice could heal any discomfort I was feeling? Didn’t they know that I could never bear to leave this beautiful face? I cried tears upon tears as they wheeled me away from those beautiful loving arms. My mother’s cries became louder, as they took me away. Down the hall, and several corridors later, I laid in a white room filled with machines and lights. The doctor put a mask over my face and asked me to count back from 100. 99, 98, 97… I don’t remember 96. It is in my head, but I can’t say it. Slowly I went to sleep. From this place I could feel something cold push into my stomach, and feel the ooze of something warm all over my chest. I’m not sure what really happened next, but I was no longer in my body. I could see everything from above. There was someone with me. It wasn’t a person, but a beautiful glowing light the size of a person. It was translucent. I could feel myself move in and out of this energy. It was though we were one. I felt such peace and love. No more pain, no more tears, no more fear. Together we hovered over an area in which my mother sat. She was alone in those orange plastic chairs, and she was crying all alone. She went to the payphone, and I could see her shaking, her hands barley gripping the receiver. She put the phone down and sat once again in those orange chairs. I could hear her thoughts and she was scared she would lose her baby. She prayed and her voice was like a song rising to the heavens with such rhythm and beauty. It was as gentle as the rocking she committed her body to do. The energy next to me asked if I would like to stay in this place of peace and love, or return to the loving arms of my mother. I was surprised by my hesitation. I looked at this beautiful light glowing next to me and said words that haunt me even today. “I know you will always be here, but I want to go back.” I laid in the comfort of this translucent light which seemed like hours. I could feel the power of the whole universe pulsating through me. I felt love. Not a word, not an expression, but a being. I was being held by love itself.              

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