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Home » Summer 2009

Life In A Shell ~ poem by Ruben Payan

Life in a Shell ~      by Kristos (Ruben Payan)   Slow am I, creature of land, victim to wings Vulnerable, prey to things that fly, the hunted Playing against odds, armor I was robbed, Weak I hide from my enemies, No weapons to defend   Mercy on me, given shelter from tree Oh why me… Restless nights with no sleep, lonely days I weep, I cry, I scream, take me away! Ball of chain, prison bar view, I construe Limbs were not part of my plan, Butterfly wish I demand, caterpillar dream I know god would never forget, All created, Still I respect, Mission in life, is it death? Beg for forgiveness; please end the test you are teaching Graduate me, the survivor’s master’s degree My answer still does not come, run, hide   Tired am I, Denied, Thirsty for compassion Wishing well Dry, Left me to die, Lord take me Crawl by your side, Loyal am I Awaken, calling me forth, branch of my friend Climb, climb it’s time, Caterpillar it’s time Mud compressed body, warmed path I follow Map of Stars align, in code Exert all the power I bear, Forced to be still Put in this Shell of helplessness, against my will Last patience cell is reviled, Mother time stops…   Mother time begins, Paralyzed, I listen, Cracking Popping, Weight is lifted, Lighter and lighter I become Pounding of my heart, native drums Transformation my calling, all sing to me, King Exposure to light with a wing, Patterns of color Spread, umbrellas for rain, extensions of me Hanging of drapes, for this world to see Butterfly Dream
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Affirmations of the Now

I am a radiant being of Light and Love. I am Divinity in the flesh.
I am free of the past and the future. The moment I live in is Now, with no history affecting my choices in the present.
I am eternal consciousness living inside a lucid dream called life. I am a lucid dreamer, for I am awake. I live a lucid life.
I have unlimited resources of abundance, love and knowledge. I am wealthy on all levels, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
I am a lovable person who is loved by others. I am appreciated by others.
I love others no matter how they act, or what their faults are. Even if I don't want to be around their personality, I love them as the eternal being that they truly are. I overlook the shortcomings of others. I have no judgment.
I love and appreciate myself. I overlook my shortcomings, and love myself anyway.
I am a creative person. I use creativity in everything I do, even for ordinary tasks.
I embrace the ordinariness of life, and make it a special experience in itself, without needing to change anything.
I use my emotions, thoughts and challenges to lead me to deeper places within myself.
I surrender to whatever the powers-that-be (whether it is God, the universe, my higher self, my deeper self) decide to do with me.
As I become more and more aware of myself as eternal consciousness, I become more peaceful and at ease with all that happens in my life. Physical reality reflects this peace back to me.
I release others from all blame that I assign them. They only play roles in my life that help me become more awake and aware of who I really am.
I use all negative experiences as chances to learn, evolve and grow, instead of letting them embitter me. I maintain stillness and peace even as I move through unpleasant experiences.
I am a radiant source of love on the Earth for others, rather than needing others to be a source of love for me. I am the source of love.
I am clear, untouched, and unharmed by all that I have experienced in my life. All traumas of the past were just passing moments that have come and gone, appeared and disappeared, in the arena of consciousness that I am.
I am wise, intelligent, loving consciousness. I am a part of God's consciousness. I realize myself as one with all in the universe, for we are all one being having many dreams.
As I awaken, I make it possible for others around me to awaken. My essence ripples out into the world and awakening within the dream of life is contagious to everyone I meet.
As I act on the opportunities that arise in the moments that come and go, the resources and tools I need become available.
I am gentle and nurturing to myself. I say only kind things to myself. I am my own best friend.
I rest my mind from worry and thoughts, and find peace in the stopping. Having a still mind, even as I go about my daily tasks, is my natural way.
I release inferiority and superiority complexes. I am equal with all people and other sentient beings, no more and no less than any other. I accept this position of equality in myself.
I release the old and invite the new, even if the new has not appeared yet.
I am protected and safe because nothing can really harm me, not even death.
I am mature, wise, and intelligent. Any thoughts I have to the contrary are only illusory fears.
This too shall pass.
I transcend fear by meeting it willingly and looking for what is deeper than the fear. Under the fear, no matter how many layers there are beneath it, I always find my true self, the awake, empty awareness that I am eternally.
When I notice my personality acting up, I forgive myself for "falling asleep," and wake up again and become lucid and present in whatever moment is around me.
Negative manifestations in my health and body are temporary, even if they last a lifetime. I surrender to my physical experiences, even if they are unpleasant.
I love to eat healthy foods, take care of myself, exercise, and have fun doing it!
If old memories rise to the surface, I investigate the emotional content in a balanced way, and move deeper into the emotion and through it, finding my eternal self again, and making peace with the old memory.
I face my shadow willingly, realizing it for the illusion that it is.
I let down all my defenses and strategies, and am willing to become vulnerable and open. Instead of protecting myself, I open myself to whatever is presenting itself in any present moment.
I now remember the enlightenment I was born with, knowing myself as Divinity in the flesh.
I deserve to have positive experiences. I am worthy. If feelings of unworthiness come up, I go deeper and realize them as illusions.
I am humble, even though I know myself as the eternal consciousness of God. I am humble, because no matter how awake I become, I realize that the human condition is a lifelong limitation and I cannot be perfect all the time.
When I crave altered states of mind, I remember that I'm already in a very intense experience called life. I look around at my environment and can find myself in an altered state simply with intention to experience life more vividly.
I am cool, calm, charismatic and magnetic simply because I am being myself with no pretenses.
I release the idea that dark energies are harming me or holding me back, ill-wishers putting spells on me, or psychically attacking me in some way or another. I recognize this thoughtform as fear. I let go of these things as the illusions that they are. They are only real and have the power to effect me if I believe in them. No harm and no fear.
I am patient with others and with myself.
I have defined my personal boundaries on what I will and will not accept from others, and I lovingly, calmly, and respectfully enforce them without aggression.
When challenged to wait, I learn how to wait and make good use of the time! If no messages or directions about what to do next come up, I am peaceful as I wait for the right timing of things.
When I think of achieving a connection with my higher self, or higher spirits, I realize that it is not a matter of higher, but rather of moving deeper within. My higher self is actually my deeper self. This is where God is.
I am an objective person. I live in a state of non-judgment toward others, the world or myself. When I find judgment within myself, I re-adjust myself until a state of non-judgment becomes habitual.
I remember myself as the master that I am, the master I have always been. I have mastery over my life by how still I can keep my mind and how alert I am in the now.
I accept the present state of development in my personality, knowing that my personality is never going to be perfected. That which is already perfect is deeper than the personality.
The universe is within me, not outside of me. I remind myself of that often.
I forgive myself for the past. I let go with love and understanding by remembering I am much more than moments that have passed. I am objective about my prior transgressions against others, and objective about their transgressions against me. I realize them for the learning opportunities that they are.
I use my power lovingly if I have influence over others.
I allow others to exercise their free will, even if I see a better way or wish they would not make the choices they make.
I view all of reality from the eyes of eternal self. By doing this nothing is as ordinary, terrible, or unpleasant as it seems.
There are deeper meanings under all events in life that I may never understand. I accept these events and experiences even though I don't understand why they are happening.
I help the world by keeping my mind still, not indulging in emotions that cycle endlessly, and going deeper into the consciousness that I am. As I become more peaceful, I contribute to peace in the world.
I am safe in the world, because I am not of the world. I survive long after the world is gone.
I am free of negative karma. I live under the law of grace and start anew with a clean slate.
I release myself from victim roles. I am free, and always have been. Experiences that made me feel like a victim were only experiences that appeared and disappeared in the arena of consciousness that I am.
I am in charge of my own perspective and I have the power to change it, even though I may not have the power to change external events.
I use the emotions of anger or frustration to go deeper into myself. I use them as propelling mechanisms that drive me deeper into self inquiry and finding out who I really am.
I express anger in constructive ways rather than destructive ways. I converse with others I am angry with in a calm way, rather than aggressively, and if I cannot speak with them in person, I release the anger without turning it inward on myself.
I allow miracles to happen in my life. Miracles are possible all the time, but it is I who must allow them to happen to me.
I release my fear about death. If I am eternal, then death is no more than waking up from a dream.
I enjoy my life, no matter how long or short it might be. I live each day as if it were my last.
I hold the gratitude attitude fully. Each day I find five (or more) things to be grateful for.
I am a living, walking piece of Godself.
I am a wonderful example to others, especially in how I handle unpleasant situations.
I am free, even in the midst of limitation within the illusions of life.
I draw to myself others of like mind. I join forces with others who are awakening and wish to help others awaken as well, thus creating more peace in that world. I am part of a united group. Our power is great when we join together.
I create in myself and around me the possibility for an enlightened government to manifest. I create a space in physical reality for an enlightened government to appear, rather than feeling doomed to live under the tyranny of corruption. I lend my energy to those who are in positions in the government to change things.
I transmute darkness within myself, thus transmuting darkness in the world.
I am patient as I wait for love to be fully anchored on the Earth. I am that anchor, and as I become more efficient at being the Source of love, so do others.
I create subtle shifts in the consciousness of all that I meet. I give darshan secretly to others, even while going about my daily tasks. I influence others in positive ways.
I am doing exactly what I need to be doing at this time.
I am innocent and pure, just like a new born baby, Even though I have experienced many things in life, I am still just as innocent, fresh and new as I was the day I was born.
I allow my inner child a chance to play every day, even if only for a little bit.
I am learning to be a guardian angel when around others who need help and children who need guidance.
When I forget how to laugh, I seek the company of children or funny people. If none are around, I laugh out loud by myself.
I now heal my psychological or emotional illness by realizing the truth of who I am. I am eternal and only here for a short time wearing this particular lifetime for a little while. It is not who I really am.
I am an inspiration to others who want to be whole again.
I am now enlightened. Enlightenment means "to be in knowledge of," and I am privy to the knowledge that I cannot die.
I reach my fullest potential in this lifetime.
I boldly face the new challenges in life that awakening and becoming aware of who I really am brings.
When I encounter dark-natured people, I react with love, compassion, respect and understanding, seeing them as my own self.
I meet my fear, pain or other emotions I tend to escape. I thank the people or events that brought them up.
Everyone is Buddha sent to teach me. The teacher is everywhere. Life is the guru.
I consider all people my own self-- my equals-- even if they are acting poorly.
My discernment is excellent. I realize the difference between judgment and discernment. Judgment has emotional overtones, and discernment does not. I use discernment to determine what people, situations and events I want to surround myself with.
I honor all paths, religions, and belief systems-- even if I do not subscribe to them myself. I realize that as many people in the world there are, that is the number of paths to God there are.
I have pleasant encounters with others. If someone acts unpleasantly, I find a way to stay at peace in the situation I turn it around and find a pleasant outcome.
In the face of belligerence, I am calm and still, completely awake and alert, but not moving.
I am God. God is me. Others are God. All that happens is something that is happening inside God.
I end the battles within myself. I accept all parts of myself and others.
When I want to know more about God, I study myself. I am the vehicle for God's experience inside this creation.
If I fight with another, I am really fighting with myself because we are both God.
I am constantly aware of God in all beings and all physical matter. I recognize God in others, regardless of how they are acting.
I look at the big picture every day, and put my own life and concerns in perspective with the big picture. I access the big picture with ease, and by doing this I realize that things I thought were so important become small.
The world is my playground. I am at home everywhere I go.
I make room for the deeper self to hold more stage time in the forefront of my life, rather than just a place I go in my meditations. I make life itself a meditation.
Self hate is an illusion. Hate of others is also an illusion. I go deeper than illusion and find the truth of who I really am. Hate disappears in this, even self hate.
I trust my inner wisdom. I trust the information I get form my deeper resources and intuition.
I am willing to ask for help. I recognize when I need help. By asking others for help and being willing to receive, I provide them with a chance to give.
When others invalidate my experience, I release them to their choice and remain steadfast to myself. I release the need for others to validate or believe my experience. I find validation within myself.
I know immediately when I fall back to sleep and lose my centeredness. I regain my sense of balance right away.
In re-parenting myself, I teach myself well in the art of loving self and others.
I let go of the need for approval or recognition from others.
I have the right to be here. I belong. I am allowed to take up space.
I attract to myself people who love me, care about me and treat me with respect.
I am valuable. So are the things I do for myself and others.
When others project on me, I am free to reject or accept it. I also have the wisdom to know when others are just projecting on me or if they are pointing out a fault in my personality that I really have.
I am my own guru, teacher and healer. Others may show up in my life as teachers and gurus, but it is I who attracted them into my life. I do not place my power in the teachers, for they too are only playing roles in my life. I am made out of the same substance that even the most enlightened being is made of.
If I have to express negative emotions, I do it only because I desire a positive solution.
I am a wealth of creativity and expression of the Divine.
I am very blessed and lucky, even if I don not have a lot of material wealth. I have gratitude and appreciation for what I have and let go of coveting what others have.
Even if I am still surrounded by the old and outdated things I generated in my life, I vibrate with the new that is coming in before it appears.
I am forever a student and a master at the same time. Paradox can exist within me peacefully.
I accept and value myself, even in my "unrealized" state.
I now turn my past into light which I use to enrich my future.
I have all the answers to the questions I ask. If I quiet my mind and emotions, the answers appear.
My true talents and potentials become evident as I grow spiritually.
I am grateful for all things in my life, even the small things. I know the true lack in other parts of the world and realize that I am among the very fortunate.
Everyone is my soul-mate. It is all one being having many lives, therefore all people are my soul-mates. We all share the same soul ultimately.
Compassion is the healing salve for all suffering. An open heart changes the world.
I am living in a friendly universe.
The present moment is always here.
Life is a precious gift. I let go of resentment about being incarnated here. I recommit to truly being alive, and seeing my life as the good thing it is.
I observe my negative addictions and engage in positive opposites instead.
My creativity is in everything I do. My life is a creative act.
I always know what the right thing to do is in every moment.
My spiritual path is the fastest route to a happier life. I stay focused on my most important mission, which is becoming awake and enlightened while in the human form.
When my faults are brought to my attention, I pay attention and learn.
I accept loss. I let go gracefully.
I take responsibility for everything I create in my life.
No one is to blame, not even myself.
I accept life as my teacher. Life is my guru and everything in it acts as a teacher to me.