Silence.

And then a sound.

Barely audible at first, the sound grew into a gentle humming, almost musical. It continued to build, filling the silent void until it felt as if time itself would burst from the beauty of its resonance. As attention was focused, the reverberations congealed into scattered words and partial sentences. “Can’t get a pulse…We’re losing her…”

It had been so long since she could recall not hurting, physically and emotionally. She’d forgotten how it felt for her mind to be free of rage and fear. Now those feelings had evaporated in an instant as if they’d never existed. Her mind was clear and alert, watchful and observant. 

Time ceased to matter. She watched with fascination as nurses and technicians rushed around a motionless form on the gurney beneath her. There was something so familiar about it! As she directed her attention to the inert body, she immediately recognized the figure. 

That’s me! Yet the person on the gurney was separate and inanimate, not really her at all. It was the oddest thing. She felt absolutely no fear. It was as if she were wholly herself for the first time, without attachment to any of the troubles that had plagued her miserable existence she’d so long inhabited.

A sense of peace filled her, a peace that she had longed for, a peace she had never before known in her life. She instinctively felt the light before she saw it. It filled the spaces within and around her, emanating from everywhere at once and nowhere in particular.

It filled every atom of her being with a bliss that was beyond words. Forgotten was the body laying below in the emergency room, barely hanging on to its life. An incredible sense of freedom overcame her, expanding her heart, breaking through the thick crust of pain.

She felt more alive than she’d ever felt before. Opening herself completely to the exquisite joy of it, her ravaged spirit was instantaneously healed and reborn, as her soul drank in the nectar of pure joy emanating from the Limitless Light. Oh, how magnificent, how exquisite-the perfection of it all!

Her spirit sang with wondrous jubilation. She became a heart so swollen with love that it enveloped the Universe. She WAS the Universe and she was pure unconditional love. I AM. That was all the truth there was to know. I AM That I AM. In every form and in all dimensions, One Truth expressed through infinite patterns of manifestation, reflecting back the absolute, unalterable fact… We are One.

It was so clear, so simple. It was a truth beyond question, beyond explanation. All that is or ever was I AM. And we are One. It’s so perfect, she marveled, as the feeling permeated every aspect of her awareness. All of it; pain, pleasure, good, bad. None of these have any genuine existence by themselves. Yet together, they become perfection rediscovered.

She saw it all so clearly in her mind’s eye. It amazed her how she hadn’t seen it before. They all combine together to make a life-stew, deliciously rich with flavor and texture. They harmonize to create the Greatest Symphony of all, the all-embracing song of life. She felt her heart laugh with the lightness of a feather. She finally got it-the greatest cosmic joke of all-- the notion that we are so small and vulnerable when actually we are unrealized perfection, without limit.

She became aware of a voice forming within the angelic sounds that swirled and danced around her. The voice spoke with the exquisite sweetness of undeniable love. “Dear One,” it sang... “I am filled with joy to see you. I know it has not been an easy life this time around. Yet there is much happiness still ahead for she whose role you chose to play. You are so dearly cherished, Beloved One, and we’ve never abandoned you. We are a part of you, and you are a part of us.”

The love that filled her heart was nearly unbearable. Who are you?, she wondered. “I am your Guardian Angel, Muriel. We have been together through many life journeys. Do you not know me?”

Eyes filled with liquid sadness. “How could I know you? You’ve never shown yourself to me before.”

“Angels are always present and on call, Beloved. We cherish our dear terrestrial brothers and sisters with a pure and fervent love. When asked for help, we respond instantly, though not always in the way one would expect. But you must make the effort to ask. And if you don’t make clear your requests we cannot take clear action.”

“As a child I prayed for help every night, crying until my eyes were swollen and red. Where were you then?”

A soft smile teased the corners of the angel’s rose-kissed lips. “Do you not recall the time I appeared to you at the foot of your bed?”

Suddenly she had a vision as vivid as any experience had ever been. The bedroom of her childhood appeared, dark and dreadful, the air stale with a mixture of urine and desperate fear. She saw a vision of herself as a small child, huddled under the sheets, shivering with terror. The small face that peeked out was wet with tears.

She’d awakened earlier that night from another horrible nightmare, screaming out in panic for her mother. Mother had responded, tired and angry, by slapping her daughter smartly across the cheek and yelling at her to shut up and go back to sleep, then left, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Unable to go back to sleep, she lay under a heap of bedding, barely breathing.

The child’s sea-blue eyes seemed to grow bigger in her tiny face as she peered out from beneath the covers. A light appeared at the foot of her bed, and as she watched, it brightened in intensity, and slowly condensed into the outline of a floating body. Panic overtook the little girl. Only the reminder of her stinging cheek kept her from calling out in hysteria for her mother.

Instead she spoke in a tremulous voice. “Please go away. You’re scaring me. Leave me alone and don’t come back!” As the child clenched shut her eyes and held her breath, afraid to make even the slightest of sounds, the light began to fade. And when she dared to look again, there was only darkness.

The bedroom scene faded away just as rapidly as it had appeared, leaving behind an understanding she’d not before realized. You’re right. I shut you out with my fear, Amanda admitted.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, dear one.” Muriel spoke with tenderness. “And I never reappeared to you again, just as you’d asked, though I continued to accompany you on your journey of life. You rarely spoke to me, and when you did your supplications were infused with mixed messages. They can be quite difficult for us simple angels to decipher! You ask for good while you expect the worst. You disparage yourself while praying to be appreciated by others. You search for love never thinking to begin with yourself. It doesn’t make much sense to us.”

The being, known in this life as Amanda, reached out with an open heart to her angel and felt the two of them merge into a supreme unity, one phenomena of light and love, and she knew that they had always been together, veiled behind names and masks, yet forever one. I am home!